6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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