he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
