Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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