There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
