He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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