Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
