beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
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Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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