2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
