You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have feelings that need drinking.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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