weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
