i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
