I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
