There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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