no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
