I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
