my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
