Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
