She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
last night I used snow as a chaser
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
