omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner