Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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