btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
