No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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