You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
