Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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