I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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