I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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