Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
