i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
