my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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