The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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