Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
