Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
