New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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