I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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