He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
