Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
