i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
sarcasm needs its own font
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
