I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
