At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
