dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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