I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
how drunk are you?
Several
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
