I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
