Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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