Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
