just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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