Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
