I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
