all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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