non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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