you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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