but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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