you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
