She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
