dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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