i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
