Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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