so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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