Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
